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The illustrate the proportion of people who buy different forms of music albums in Britain with respect to their age groups and gender.

The illustrate the proportion of people who buy different forms of music albums in Britain with respect to their age groups and gender. LrV2R
The illustrate the proportion of people who buy different forms of music albums in Britain with respect to their age groups and gender. To begin with the first graph, it can be clearly seen that female and people above 45 years are less interested in buying pop music accounted to approximately 15 and 8 percent. In contrast, the proportion of male and young and middle age group people are enjoy the music very much. In addition to middle age people bought nearly 25% of pop music which is the pea of the graph. Coming to the next graph, its represents the percentage of people who buy rock music and rear again the minerals countries with great just only 30%, whereas old age group got the last position, who only purchased just below the 10%. Last bar graph depicts the proportion of people who buy classical music. Approximately 20% of old age people buy classical music, which shows the their love towards it. However, young age group and people between 35 and 44 are less interested in buying classical music and accounted to nearly 2 and 3 percent. In conclusion, it could be analyse that middle age people and male love almost all three types of music, but old age group people have keen interest to listen classical music as compares to others.
After 'The', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'illustrate' is correct. If 'illustrate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
The illustrate
the proportion of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
albums in Britain with respect to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and gender.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the
first
graph, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that female and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above 45 years are less interested in buying pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
accounted to approximately 15 and 8 percent.
In contrast
, the proportion of male and young and middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.
In addition
to middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
nearly
25% of pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which is the pea of the graph.

Coming to the
next
graph, its represents the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and rear again the minerals countries with great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30%, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the last position,
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below the 10%.

Last bar graph depicts the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Approximately 20% of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
towards it.
However
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 35 and 44 are less interested in buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and accounted to
nearly
2 and 3 percent.

In conclusion
, it could be
Consider using the past participle "analysed"?
analyse
that middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
almost all three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have keen interest to listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as compares to others.
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IELTS academic The illustrate the proportion of people who buy different forms of music albums in Britain with respect to their age groups and gender.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
222 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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