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The hours per the week that teenagers spend doing activities from 2002 to 2007

The hours per the week that teenagers spend doing activities from 2002 to 2007 PgYMg
The bar chart illustrate the activities that teenagers spend their time doing for 6 years. Overall it is so obvious from the bar chart that watching television is in the peak for all the years from 2002 to 2007 while Bowling is the lowest. Looking at the year 2002 it reached the highest number of hours almost 37 hours spending on television, comes after it the year 2006, 2005, and we can notice there is equality of spending 25 hours at the year 2002, 2003. Overlook at watching television the number of hours has increased as the year had. On the other hand, going to pubs/disco at the year 2002 teenagers spend around 7 hours per week then the hours has increased to 17 hours per week. Whereas the hours of doing homework start high around 17 hours but it end up declining to 6 hours per week. Also doing sport got declining over the years. To sum up, the hours that teenagers spend doing activities has a lot of increasing and declining over the years.
The bar chart illustrate the activities that
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teenagers
spend their time
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doing
for 6 years.
Overall
it is
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so
obvious from the bar chart that watching television is in the peak for all the years from 2002 to 2007 while Bowling is the lowest. Looking at the
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year
2002 it reached the highest number of
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hours
almost 37
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hours
spending on television,
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comes
after it the
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year
2006, 2005, and we can notice there is equality of spending 25
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hours
at the
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year
2002, 2003. Overlook at watching television the number of
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hours
has increased as the
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year
had.

On the other hand
, going to pubs/disco at the
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year
2002
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teenagers
spend around 7
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hours
per week then the
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hours
has increased to 17
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hours
per week. Whereas the
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hours
of
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doing
homework
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start
high around 17
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hours
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but
it
Did you mean "ends"?
end
up declining to 6
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hours
per week.
Also
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doing
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
declining over the years.

To sum up, the
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hours
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
activities has
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a lot of
increasing and declining over the years.
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IELTS academic The hours per the week that teenagers spend doing activities from 2002 to 2007

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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