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the honey production process

the honey production process q0Ged
the diagram above shows how the honey is made by bees. we can clearly see there are seven steps of honey production until the honey is ready to be consumed. first, a group of honey bees build its own hive consisting of many built cells which is take role as a container of the honey. bees go out of the hive to find some flowers in needs of the nectar. they take the nectar and bring it back to their hive to begin the honey-forming proccess. In the hive, they fill each cells with the nectar. after that, they cool down the nectar by giving it air from their wings flapping. this process will make the nectar evaporates and the water is lost. finally, consumable honey is successfully formed and ready to use.
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the
diagram above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the honey
is made
by bees.
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we
can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there are seven steps of honey production until the honey is ready to
be consumed
.

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first
, a group of honey bees build its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hive consisting of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
built cells which is take role as a container of the honey.
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bees
go out of the hive to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flowers in needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
and bring it back to their hive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
the honey-forming
Possible spelling mistake found.
proccess
.

In the hive, they fill each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "cell"?
cells
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
that, they cool down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
by giving it air from their wings flapping.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
process will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
evaporates and the water
is lost
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, consumable honey is
successfully
formed and ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

IELTS academic the honey production process

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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