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The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. LBdMr
The line charts demonstrate the propotion of males and females being 60-64, were employed in four countries namely Begium, the USA, Japan and Indonesia between 1970 and 2000. It is obviously that the percentage of employed men and women in 2000 was far fewer than the rate in 1970. In 1970, males and females worked in the USA was highest at 86% and 78% respectively, while the figure for Japan was significant lower, only 76% men and 63% women employees. Belgium accounted for 79% males and 56% females workers, compared to the percentage of employed men and women in Indonesia made up 84% and 65% respectively. After 30 years, the employment rate of males and females in Belgium experienced a sharp decline by 27% and 55% respectively from the figures of 1970, whereas Japan’s figure fell gradually to 63% males and 47% females. The figure for Indonesia witnessed a steady drop by 10% men and 15% women. At the same time, the propotion of employed males and females in the USA decreased slowly by 8% and 23%.
The line charts demonstrate the
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propotion
of
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males
and
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females
being 60-64, were
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employed
in four countries
namely
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Begium
, the USA, Japan and Indonesia between 1970 and 2000.

It is
obviously
that the percentage of
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employed
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men
and
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women
in 2000 was far fewer than the rate in 1970.

In 1970,
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males
and
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females
worked in the USA was highest at 86% and 78%
respectively
, while the
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figure
for Japan was significant lower,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
76%
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men
and 63%
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women
employees. Belgium accounted for 79%
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males
and 56%
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females
workers, compared to the percentage of
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employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Indonesia made up 84% and 65%
respectively
.

After 30 years, the employment rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in Belgium experienced a sharp decline by 27% and 55%
respectively
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of 1970, whereas Japan’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
fell
gradually
to 63%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and 47%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. The
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figure
for Indonesia witnessed a steady drop by 10%
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men
and 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. At the same time, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
propotion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in the USA decreased
slowly
by 8% and 23%.

IELTS academic The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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