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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period Nol0
The above two line graphs illustrates the enrollment of students, in Australian universities over a period of 10 years. The graph represents both international and local students, with respect to time of 10 years. In general the number of over seas student is higher, however, the commencing is below the total number. Overseas students where comparatively less in the year 2001 with 2000 total and 1000 commencing students. Comparatively, local students at the same time where more than double around 4000 students in total and just below 2000 commencing. Furthermore in the future, eventually, the number of over seas students and local students, in the year 2007 where almost the same coming in at 6000 total students and just above 2000 commencing students. However, the number of local students came to a halt at 2000 after the year 2007, subsequently, the number of international students never stagnated. By the year 2010 the number reached 8000, with commencing students around 4000 respectively.
The above two line graphs illustrates the enrollment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in Australian universities over a period of 10 years. The graph represents both international and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, with respect to time of 10 years.
In general
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Did you mean "overseas"?
over seas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is higher,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
is below the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
number.

Overseas
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students
where
comparatively
less in the
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year
2001 with 2000
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total
and 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Comparatively
,
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at the same
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
more than double around 4000
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students
in
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total
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
in the future,
eventually
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Did you mean "overseas"?
over seas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, in the
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year
2007 where almost the same coming in at 6000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
students.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
came to a halt at 2000 after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007,
subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
never stagnated. By the
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year
2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
reached 8000, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
around 4000
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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