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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. NaBd
The given linegraphs illustrate the comparison of student in and out of country. There are two visibly trends. In generally the number of total students increased sharply between 2001 and 2010 while the commencing were fluctuated. However the both of trends went up in period of the question. As can be seen, the number of students were 400000 in 2001 then it touched the highest point in 2007 by 600000 members which remained unchanged in 2 years later while there were 180000 new students in 2001 which rose up between 2001 and 2002 then it moved up and down in 8 years later, reaching to 200000 person It is obvioused, the number of boarded students were 20000 in 2001 which went up dramatically during 10 years from 20000 to 80000 whereas the commencing was about 1600 then it rose up gradually to 40000 from 2001 to 2009, remaining stable in 1 next year
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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linegraphs
illustrate the comparison of
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student
in and out of country. There are two
visibly
trends.

In
generally
the number of total
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students
increased
sharply
between 2001 and 2010 while the commencing
were fluctuated
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the both of trends went up in period of the question.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were 400000 in 2001 then it touched the highest point in 2007 by 600000 members which remained unchanged in 2 years later while there were 180000 new
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students
in 2001 which rose up between 2001 and 2002 then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
up and down in 8 years later, reaching to 200000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person


It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
obvioused
, the number of boarded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were 20000 in 2001 which went up
dramatically
during 10 years from 20000 to 80000 whereas the commencing was about 1600 then it rose up
gradually
to 40000 from 2001 to 2009, remaining stable in 1
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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