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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities between 1989 and 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities between 1989 and 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. d9jod
The line graph demonstrates The Australian Universities enrollment for both overseas and local students on years 1989 to 1999. Overall, overseas students trend continues to rise as the years goes by while the total of local students is in increasing and commencing remains stable with a little bit of fluctuation. The total trend of overseas students is rapidly growing for about 60, 00 dollars from having 20, dollars on the start of the year until 1999. While, commencing has gradually increasing starting from 1989 with around 15, 000 dollars and almost 41, 000 dollars on 1999. Moreover, the total of local students begins with 400, 000 dollars on 1989 and these rises for 600, 000 dollars by the end of the year. Fluctuation can be observed on the trend of local students commencing where, it starts below 200, 00 dollars on year 1989 and have a slightly increase on years 1991 and 1996 and then by the end of year it reaches approximately 201, 000 dollars.
The line graph demonstrates The Australian
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Universities'" or "university's"?
Universities
enrollment for both overseas and
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local
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students
on years 1989 to 1999.
Overall
, overseas
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students
trend continues to rise as the years goes by while the total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
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students
is in increasing and commencing remains stable with a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of fluctuation.

The total trend of overseas
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students
is
rapidly
growing for about 60, 00
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dollars
from having 20,
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dollars
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the
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year
until 1999. While, commencing has
gradually
increasing starting from 1989 with around 15, 000
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dollars
and almost 41, 000
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dollars
on 1999.

Moreover
, the total of
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with 400, 000
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dollars
on 1989 and these rises for 600, 000
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dollars
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Fluctuation can
be observed
on the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
commencing where, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
below 200, 00
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1989 and have a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
slightly increase
on years 1991 and 1996 and then by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it reaches approximately 201, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities between 1989 and 1999. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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