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The graphs below show the average water temperature in Hawaii in the year 1990 and 2000

The graphs below show the average water temperature in Hawaii in the year 1990 and 2000 KGndR
The line graphs illustrate the average temperature of water in Hawaii during 1990 and 2000. Overall, even though the temperatures are more spesificly presented for year 2000 than for 1990, it can be concluded that the trends during the years were the same, however in slightly different magnitudes. The fluctuations were much more drastic in 2000 than in 1990. During both years, the average temperature of the water was at the lowest during January, starting the year at roughly 70 degrees. While the average temperature grew rather steady till August in 1990, recording high-point of 74 degrees, the warmth of the water reached higher in 2000, recording 80 degrees, marking the highs for that year. After August, the warmth of water plummeted in 2000, dropping to 72 in December. However in 1990 the temperature steadily decreased to 72 degrees from August till end of the year. Even though the degree of water was the same both start and end of the year in 1990 and 2000, the high points vary greatly during these years.
The line graphs illustrate the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of
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water
in Hawaii during 1990 and 2000.

Overall
,
even though
the
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temperatures
are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
spesificly
presented for
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year
2000 than for 1990, it can
be concluded
that the trends during the years were the same,
however
in
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
magnitudes. The fluctuations were much more drastic in 2000 than in 1990.

During both years, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was at the lowest during January, starting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
at roughly 70
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degrees
. While the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
grew
rather
steady till August in 1990, recording high-point of 74
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
, the warmth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
reached higher in 2000, recording 80
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degrees
, marking the highs for that
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year
. After August, the warmth of
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water
plummeted in 2000, dropping to 72 in December.
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However
in 1990 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
steadily
decreased to 72
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
from August till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Even though
the
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degree
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was the same both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
in 1990 and 2000, the high points vary
greatly
during these years.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the average water temperature in Hawaii in the year 1990 and 2000

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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