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The graph shows the unemployment rate in Australia during 2012

The graph shows the unemployment rate in Australia during 2012 XDnmg
The rendered line graph compares the percentage of unemployment in urban and rural areas of Australia during 2012. Overall, it is conspicuous that the rate of unemployment inclined, while percentage declined in rural areas. At a fleeting glance, in rural areas, about 6. 5%people were jobless in Australia, however it declined continuously during the second quarter, reached to 5. 5%, while in third quarter unemployment fluctuated and one twenty percent citizen workless during the fourth quarter. Moving further, in urban areas only 2% people were unemployed, but figure inclined sharply during second quarter, although it reached again at 2%in third quarter which similar to first quarter and inclined upto 5%.
The rendered line graph compares the percentage of unemployment in urban and rural areas of Australia during 2012.

Overall
, it is conspicuous that the rate of unemployment inclined, while percentage declined in rural areas.

At a fleeting glance, in rural areas, about 6. 5%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were jobless in Australia,
however
it declined
continuously
during the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, reached to 5. 5%, while in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
unemployment fluctuated and one twenty percent citizen
Possible spelling mistake found.
workless
during the fourth quarter.

Moving
further
, in urban areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were unemployed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
figure inclined
sharply
during second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
, although it reached again at 2%in third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
which similar to
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
and inclined
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
5%.

IELTS academic The graph shows the unemployment rate in Australia during 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
110 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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