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The graph shows the proportion of population in four different countries from 1930 to 1990.

The graph shows the proportion of population in four different countries from 1930 to 1990. 6KEyr
The line graph illustrated the proportion of population in four different countries namely UK, Japan, Thailand and Vietnam in ten-year intervals from 1930 to 1990 Overall, the general trend of the proportion of population of all 4 countries was upward. Interestingly, the population of UK and Japan remained dominant and became the most popularly over the period. To begin with 1930, the percentage of the population in United Kingdom stood at 70%, making this means dominant at the beginning. Then, this rate had a gradually rise to 80% after nearly 20 years. After that, there was a slightly growth in the proportion of population in UK between 1950 and 1990, with roughly 90% at the end of the period. Meanwhile the percentage of the population in Japan started at 40% in 1930. Between 1930 and 1960 there was a dramatic increase of 80% in the percentage of population in Japan. Finally, the population hit a high pound of 90% for the remainder of the period. In contrast, the rate of the population in Thailand and Vietnam SHARED SIMILARLY EQUAL STARTING POINTS at 20%. After ten years, Thailand has a gradually rise of nearly 40% in 1990. On the other hand, Vietnam performed a period of a stability at 20% in first 20 years. However, the proportion in Vietnam Increase significantly to below 70% from 1950 to 1990 for the remainder of the period.
The line graph illustrated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
namely
UK,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, Thailand and Vietnam in ten-year intervals from 1930 to 1990

Overall
, the general trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of all 4 countries was upward.
Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of UK and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
remained dominant and became the most
popularly
over the period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with 1930, the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
stood at 70%, making this means dominant at the beginning. Then, this rate had a
You used an adverb ('gradually') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
gradually rise
to 80% after
nearly
20 years. After that, there was a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('growth') instead of another adjective.
slightly growth
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in UK between 1950 and 1990, with roughly 90% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 40% in 1930. Between 1930 and 1960 there was a dramatic increase of 80% in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
hit a high pound of 90% for the remainder of the period.

In contrast
, the rate of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in Thailand and Vietnam SHARED
SIMILARLY
EQUAL STARTING POINTS at 20%. After ten years, Thailand has a
You used an adverb ('gradually') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
gradually rise
of
nearly
40% in 1990.
On the other hand
, Vietnam performed a period of a stability at 20% in
first
20 years.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
in Vietnam Increase
significantly
to below 70% from 1950 to 1990 for the remainder of the period.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the proportion of population in four different countries from 1930 to 1990.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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