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The graph shows the percentage of part-time workers in the country of United Kingdom in the year 1989 and 2010

The graph shows the percentage of part-time workers in the country of United Kingdom in the year 1989 and 2010 MMoY9
The stipulated bar graph delineates the information about the proportion of people who have part-time jobs in all nations of United Kingdom in the year 1980 and 2010. In an overview, it is ostensible that in all countries, the rate of workers was inclined from 1980 to 2010, except in Northern Ireland. Having a myopic sight, in 1980, there were about 25% individuals who did part-time job in England, whereas this share rose by almost 5% after 3 decades. However, in Northern Ireland, the percentage of part-time workers was decline in 2010 and became nearly 15%to 12%. In contrast, nearly 10% of people in Scotland did part-time job, while this proportion became double of this after 30 years. Likewise, the fraction of part-time workers in 1980 and 2010 was around 32% and 35% in Wales respectively.
The stipulated bar graph delineates the information about the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have part-time jobs in all nations
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Kingdom".
of United Kingdom
in the year 1980 and 2010. In an overview, it is ostensible that in all countries, the rate of workers
was inclined
from 1980 to 2010, except in Northern Ireland. Having a myopic sight, in 1980, there were about 25% individuals who did part-time job in England, whereas this share rose by almost 5% after 3 decades.
However
, in Northern Ireland, the percentage of part-time workers was decline in 2010 and became
nearly
15%to 12%.
In contrast
,
nearly
10% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Scotland did part-time job, while this proportion became double of this after 30 years.
Likewise
, the fraction of part-time workers in 1980 and 2010 was around 32% and 35% in Wales
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of part-time workers in the country of United Kingdom in the year 1989 and 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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