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The graph shows the information about the recruitment of first-year English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

The graph shows the information about the recruitment of first-year English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. bDGxg
The line graph illustrates the percentage of fresh graduates who found jobs as English and French teachers from 2001 to 2007 in Ontario. Overall, there were more new graduates managed to finds jobs as French teachers than English teachers over the period given. In 2001, there was around 70% of teachers of both languages succeeded to find jobs, although, English teachers were slightly more successful than French teachers. In the 2 following years, recruitment of English teachers rapidly decreased to 40% in 2003, whereas the proportion of the French counterparts fell steeply to just over 50% in 2002, then rose again to under 70% in 2003. In the remaining years, the figure for recruitment of french teachers fluctuated and peaked at nearly 75%, compared to the lowest rate of that of English teachers, at below 30%, in 2007.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of fresh graduates who found jobs as English and French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
from 2001 to 2007 in Ontario.

Overall
, there were more new graduates managed to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "find".
finds
jobs as French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
than English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

In 2001, there was around 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
of both languages succeeded to find jobs, although, English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
were
slightly
more successful than French
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In the 2 following years, recruitment of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
rapidly
decreased to 40% in 2003, whereas the proportion of the French counterparts fell
steeply
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 50% in 2002, then rose again to under 70% in 2003.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the remaining years, the figure for recruitment of
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
fluctuated and peaked at
nearly
75%, compared to the lowest rate of that of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, at below 30%, in 2007.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the information about the recruitment of first-year English and French teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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