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The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain. Dl27j
The graph illustrates changes in the amount of cases of whooping cough as well as the percentage of British children inoculated from 1940 to 2010. Overall, it is clearly seen that the number of whooping cough reported is in inverse proportion to the percentage of vaccinated infants. At the beginning of the graph, it is observed that the amount of cases peaked in 1941 at approximately 170, 000. After the year, the amount dramatically decreased to nearly 60, 000 in 1945. However, the number of whooping coughs recorded made a fluctuation between 1945 to 1955. Yet, later on, vaccination for whooping cough was invented in 1956. As they invented the vaccination, the cases sharply dropped to almost 30, 000. Furthermore, from 1965 to 1970, the inoculation rate was as high as 81 percent, thereby having the number of children infected hitting the floor. Though, the number upsurged as soon as the immunisation rate went down to 30 percent in 1978. Nonwithstanding, it is shown that the number of children having a whopping cough dwindled again as vaccine uptake went up to 94 percent. This trend remained so to the end of the graph.
The graph illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the amount of cases of whooping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cough
as well
as the percentage of British children inoculated from 1940 to 2010.

Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of whooping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cough
reported is in inverse proportion to the percentage of vaccinated infants.

At the beginning of the graph, it
is observed
that the amount of cases peaked in 1941 at approximately 170, 000.

After the year, the amount
dramatically
decreased to
nearly
60, 000 in 1945.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of whooping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coughs
recorded made a fluctuation

Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1945 and 1955".
between 1945 to 1955
.
Yet
, later on, vaccination for whooping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cough
was invented
in 1956.

As they invented the vaccination, the cases
sharply
dropped to almost 30, 000.
Furthermore
, from 1965 to 1970, the inoculation rate was as high as 81 percent, thereby

having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of children infected hitting the floor.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
upsurged as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as the
Possible spelling mistake. 'immunisation' is British English.
immunisation
rate went down to 30 percent in 1978.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Nonwithstanding
, it
is shown
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of children having a whopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cough
dwindled again as vaccine uptake went up to 94 percent. This trend remained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the graph.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the impact of vaccinations on the incidence of whooping cough, a childhood illness, between 1940 and 1990 in Britain.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
193 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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