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The graph show the survey of boys and girls participated in culture and leisure activities.

The graph show the survey of boys and girls participated in culture and leisure activities. wxoKE
The two pie charts draw the conclusion of a survey of boys' and girls' cultural and leisure activities. Overall, equal quantities of both sexes enjoyed listening to music, but a dramatically larger number of girls liked reading. There were also many differences in terms of the children's preferred sports. Turning to the first chart, we can observe that boys prefer playing computer games (34% participation rate) than taking other activities. Playing basketball comes as the second most popular leisure, practiced by almost a third of male children. Basketball is followed by soccer, which is exercised by 17%. Skateboarding and listening to music are less preferable activities, chosen by 11% and 10% of boys respectively. Reading, the least popular cultural activity among boys, represents only two percent. Taking a closer look at the second chart, we can see that girls' most preferred activity is dancing, being 27% of the total. In contrast to the boys' preferences, reading is chosen by more than a fifth of all girls. Although percentage of female children who play computer games is roughly twice less than that of boys (16%), this activity is third most popular on the girls' chart. With a slight difference between computer games and netball, the latter is practiced at 15% rate. Similarly to skateboarding popularity among boys, 11% of girls go in for gymnastics. Listening to music comes as the least popular leisure, with a proportion of 10%, equal to those on the first chart.
The two pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
draw the conclusion of a survey of boys' and girls' cultural and leisure activities.

Overall
, equal quantities of both sexes enjoyed listening to music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a
dramatically
larger number of girls liked reading. There were
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences in terms of the children's preferred sports.

Turning to the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, we can observe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
prefer playing computer games (34% participation rate) than taking other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Playing basketball
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as the second most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
leisure, practiced by almost a third of male children. Basketball
is followed
by soccer, which
is exercised
by 17%. Skateboarding and listening to music are less preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, chosen by 11% and 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
respectively
. Reading, the least
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popular
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, represents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two percent.

Taking a closer look at the second
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chart
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that girls' most preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is dancing, being 27% of the total.
In contrast
to the boys' preferences, reading
is chosen
by more than a fifth of all girls. Although percentage of female children who play computer games is roughly twice less than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
(16%), this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is third most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
on the girls'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
. With a slight difference between computer games and netball, the latter
is practiced
at 15% rate.
Similarly
to skateboarding popularity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, 11% of girls go in for gymnastics. Listening to music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
leisure, with a proportion of 10%, equal to those on the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
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IELTS academic The graph show the survey of boys and girls participated in culture and leisure activities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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