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The graph show the average retirement age of men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries

The graph show the average retirement age of men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries W990
The given column graph entry the average retirement sge of males and females in six different nations (Denmark, France, Italy, Netherland, Sweden and UK) in 2004 and 2008. The highest retirement age from both types of genders is 64. However, the average retirement age of womens were lowest then mens in both the years that is 2004 and 2008. In 2004, the number of retirement age from both types of genders were equal in Sweden and France that is 63 and 58 respectively. The other four countries has the average retirement age number is between 58 and 62. In 2008, the number of retirement age of males and females has drastically increased in all six countries. The highest value of retirement age were 64 in Sweden while the the lowest value is 58 in France. Although, the number of retirement age increases in 2008, only one or two percentage of retirement age difference were seen in the three different countries; namely, UK, Denmark and Netherland. Overall, the highest number of average retirement age were seen in Sweden while the France has lowest number of it.
The
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given
column graph entry the
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average
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retirement
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sge
of males and females in six
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different
nations (Denmark, France, Italy,
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Netherland
, Sweden and UK) in 2004 and 2008. The highest
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retirement
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age
from both types of genders is 64.
However
, the
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average
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
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womens
were
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
then
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mens
in both the years
that is
2004 and 2008. In 2004, the
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number
of
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from both types of genders were equal in Sweden and France
that is
63 and 58
respectively
. The other four countries has the
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average
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
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number
is between 58 and 62. In 2008, the
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number
of
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retirement
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age
of males and females has
drastically
increased in all six countries. The highest value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
were 64 in Sweden while
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the the
lowest value is 58 in France. Although, the
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number
of
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retirement
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age
increases in 2008,
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only
one or two percentage of
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retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries;
namely
, UK, Denmark and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netherland
.
Overall
, the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Sweden while the France has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of it.
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IELTS academic The graph show the average retirement age of men and women in 2004 and 2008 in six different countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
185 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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