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The graph show expenditure in various categories in four countries in 2009.

The graph show expenditure in various categories in four countries in 2009. JKBee
The given bargraph depicts spending money on various categories namely in United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Japan in 2009. Overall, It is clearly indicated that, the increasing number of people spend more money on housing. while, least amount of money was spent on healthcare categories. To begin with, in terms of food Japanese people were spending high amount of money which was approximately 23%. While, the United States people spend least amount of money on food which was about 14%. The U. S and U. K shared high expenditure in housing which was about 24-25% and Canadian people were spending more money on transportation which was 20%. Which was 10% double than Japan. Furthermore, the U. S and Japanese spent their most money on health care which was more than Canada and the U. K. Finally, all the countries spent similar amount of money on clothing which was approximately 5%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Possible spelling mistake found.
bargraph
depicts spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on various categories
namely
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
, Canada, United Kingdom and Japan in 2009.

Overall
, It is
clearly
indicated that, the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on housing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was spent
on healthcare categories.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in terms of food Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were spending high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which was approximately 23%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, the United States
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on food which was about 14%. The U. S and U. K shared high expenditure in housing which was about 24-25% and Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on transportation which was 20%.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
was 10%
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than Japan.

Furthermore
, the U. S and Japanese spent their most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on health care which was more than Canada and the U. K.
Finally
, all the countries spent similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on clothing which was approximately 5%.
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IELTS academic The graph show expenditure in various categories in four countries in 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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