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The graph illustrates the proportions of four various age brackets visiting the cinema once every month in UK over a period of 16 years from 1986 to 2000.

The graph illustrates the proportions of four various age brackets visiting the cinema once every month in UK over a period of 16 years from 1986 to 2000. G3bO2
The graph illustrates the proportions of four various age brackets visiting the cinema once every month in UK over a period of 16 years from 1986 to 2000. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the UK experienced an overall growth in cinema attendance. Young adults aged 15 and 24 accounted for the largest share during the period given, while the percentage of the oldest group was consistently lowest. In 1984, 18 percent of people aged 15 and 24 visited the cinema once a month, nearly doubling lower, at approximately almost 5 percent. No one aged 35 and over went to the cinema in this year. In 2000, there was a rise increase in the percentages of th 15-24 age group and those over 35, reaching peaks of at nearly 60 percent and 17 percent respectively. The figure of for the youngest age bracket peaked at nearly 38 percent in 1999, and than became equal to that of the 25-35 age group in 2000, at just over 30 percent.
The graph illustrates the proportions of four various
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age
brackets visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
once every month in UK
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over
a period of 16 years from 1986 to 2000.
Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the UK experienced an
overall
growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendance. Young adults aged 15 and 24 accounted for the largest share during the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, while the percentage of the oldest group was
consistently
lowest. In 1984, 18
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percent
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged 15 and 24 visited the
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cinema
once a month,
nearly
doubling lower, at approximately almost 5
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percent
. No one aged 35 and
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over
went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
in this year. In 2000, there was a rise increase in the percentages of
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
15-24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
35, reaching peaks of at
nearly
60
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percent
and 17
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percent
respectively
. The figure of for the youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket peaked at
nearly
38
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percent
in 1999, and
Did you mean "then"?
than
became equal to that of the 25-35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group in 2000, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.

IELTS academic The graph illustrates the proportions of four various age brackets visiting the cinema once every month in UK over a period of 16 years from 1986 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
169 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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