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The graph illustrates proportion of men and women in Malaysia who exercise regularly in 2010.

The graph illustrates proportion of men and women in Malaysia who exercise regularly in 2010. gJR3
The graph illustrates proportion of men and women in Malaysia who exercise regularly in 2010. Overall, it is clear that, Malaysian women train more than men in all age of groups, except the 15-24 age group. Women in the 45-54 age group show the best result with 53 percent and the lowest percentage 39 percent belongs to men who are between 35 and 44. As can be seen from the graph, men in 15-24 age group who had 52 percent did physical activity more than women with 47 percent. Percentage of men 25 to 34 was 41%, while percentage of women was more with 49%. Next age group of men exercised not often because they have worst result 39% between all age group, while age group of women have much higher percentage – 52%. In 45 to 54 and 55 to 64 age group women show 53 percentage as opposed to men who have 42 and 43 percentage respectively. In the latter age group, 65 and older, they have similar results, but women have slightly more than men by 1 percent.
The graph illustrates proportion of
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men
and
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women
in Malaysia
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who
exercise
regularly
in 2010.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that, Malaysian
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women
train more than
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men
in all
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age
of
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groups
, except the 15-24
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age
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group
.
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Women
in the 45-54
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age
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group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the best result with 53
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percent
and the lowest
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percentage
39
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percent
belongs to
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men
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who
are between 35 and 44.

As can be
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seen
from the graph,
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men
in 15-24
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age
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group
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who
had 52
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percent
did physical activity more than
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women
with 47
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percent
.
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Percentage
of
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men
25 to 34 was 41%, while
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percentage
of
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women
was more with 49%.
Next
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age
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group
of
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men
exercised not
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often
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because
they have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
result 39% between all
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age
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group
, while
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age
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group
of
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women
have much higher
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percentage
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
52%. In 45 to 54 and 55 to 64
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age
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group
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women
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show
53
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percentage
as opposed to
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men
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who
have 42 and 43
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percentage
respectively
. In the latter
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age
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group
, 65 and older, they have similar results,
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but
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women
have
slightly
more than
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men
by 1
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percent
.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates proportion of men and women in Malaysia who exercise regularly in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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