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the graph gives the result of a survey

the graph gives the result of a survey LLGdr
The chart represents how 1000 students took three different ways (go to university, look for a job, take a temporary break) after leaving school from 2008 to 2012. Overall, It is apparent that looked for work or went to university were the most chosen way by school leavers in the surveyed period. To begin, there was a gradual increase in young people who went to university and took a gap year after high school graduated from 300 students and 200 students to 400 students and about 280 students, respectively, from 2008 to 2010. The year from 2010 to 2012 saw the continuous growth in the number of school leavers took a temporary break from about 280 people to about 310 people. Whilst, young people took the tertiary education was fall gradually by 100 students from 400 students in the same year period. The other activity, look for work saw the vast majority of learners did with 500 students in 2008, while 2011 took the smallest amount of people with 310 students in this figure. Furthermore, youngsters looked for a job in 2009 was double by 200 students as learners took a gap year in 2008.
The chart represents how 1000
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students
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took
three
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different
ways (go to university, look for a job, take a temporary break) after leaving
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school
from 2008 to 2012.

Overall
, It is apparent that looked for work or went to university were the most chosen way by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
in the surveyed period.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there was a gradual increase in young
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people
who went to university and
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took
a gap
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year
after high
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school
graduated from 300
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students
and 200
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students
to 400
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students
and about 280
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students
,
respectively
, from 2008 to 2010. The
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year
from 2010 to 2012
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the continuous growth in the number of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
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took
a temporary break from about 280
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people
to about 310
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people
. Whilst, young
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people
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took
the tertiary education was fall
gradually
by 100
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students
from 400
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students
in the same
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year
period.

The other activity, look for work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the vast majority of learners did with 500
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students
in 2008, while 2011
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took
the smallest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with 310
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in this figure.
Furthermore
, youngsters looked for a job in 2009 was double by 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
in 2008.
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IELTS academic the graph gives the result of a survey

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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