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the graph gives the information about visits from France and North America for holiday and business in the past

the graph gives the information about visits from France and North America for holiday and business in the past 5ADGB
Two line charts give the illustration about the differences between visitors from France and North America to United Kingdom for holiday and business purpose. Information about holiday visits is clear to be seen from the first graph that the number of travels from France has significant grow from January to July, especially reached 3 million visitors in the period July to September. However, after that a great fall had been reported in December, which was only 0. 5 million. The figure of holiday travels from North America shared the same trend with the France one, which was raised from 0. 4 million to 1. 7 million travels in July and minimum decreasing point was 0. 5 million visitors in December. In term of visiting for business purpose, figures of visit from both France and North America look like familiar. The highest numbers were in final months period, 0. 47 million and 0. 3 million, respectively while the lowest ones were in January, 0. 2 million and 0. 1 million, respectively. Overall, the visitors from France were higher the one from North America for both vacation and working.
Two line charts give the illustration about the differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from France and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the United Kingdom".
to United Kingdom
for holiday and business purpose.

Information about holiday visits is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the
first
graph that the number of travels from France has significant grow from January to July,
especially
reached 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in the period July to September.
However
, after that a great fall had
been reported
in December, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. The figure of holiday travels from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America shared the same trend with the France one, which
was raised
from 0. 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to 1. 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
travels in July and minimum decreasing point was 0. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
in December.

In term of visiting for business purpose, figures of visit from both France and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America look like familiar. The highest numbers were in final months period, 0. 47
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and 0. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
while the lowest ones were in January, 0. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
and 0. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
,
respectively
.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
from France were higher the one from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
North
America for both vacation and working.
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IELTS academic the graph gives the information about visits from France and North America for holiday and business in the past

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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