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The graph gives information about ownership of computers in terms of percentage of the population

The graph gives information about ownership of computers in terms of percentage of the population Nr6wg
The first graph gives information about many people owned a computer, going from year 2002 to 2010. It can be immediately noticed how there's been a steady increase in the percentage of the population who had a computer. Overall, during a period of eight years, the numbers have increased by approximately 20%. This growth is demonstrated by the other graph as well, which shows computer ownership making a comparison between different education levels. Of course, all of the categories show an increase, since it has already been observed that over the years more and more people started to own a computer. However, the difference between year 2002 and year 2010 is not the same throughout all the education levels taken into account. By giving a more careful look at the graph, it's in fact easy to notice that people with no high school diploma, high school graduates and college students who didn't finish their studies started buying more computers over the period of time analyzed, with an increase in ownership of around 35%. This percentage is almost double than what is shown in the other two categories, Bachelor's degree and Postagraduate qualification. In the end, by observing the trend shown in the charts it's possible to say that as the years pass more and more people will own computers. However, it's not the ones we would think at first, that is those with the highest levels of education, but those who didn't graduate or interrupted their studies.
The
first
graph gives information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a computer, going from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2002 to 2010.

It can be immediately noticed how there's been a steady increase in the percentage of the population who had a computer.
Overall
, during a period of eight years, the numbers have increased by approximately 20%.

This growth
is demonstrated
by the other graph
as well
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
computer ownership making a comparison between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
education levels.
Of course
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an increase, since it has already
been observed
that over the years more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a computer.

However
, the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2002 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 is not the same throughout all the education levels taken into account. By giving a more careful look at the graph, it's in fact easy to notice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with no high school diploma, high school
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduates from".
graduates
and college students who didn't finish their studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
buying more computers over the period of time analyzed, with an increase in ownership of around 35%. This percentage is almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than what
is shown
in the other two categories, Bachelor's degree and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Postagraduate
qualification.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, by observing the trend shown in the charts it's possible to say that as the years pass more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers.
However
, it's not the ones we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
at
first
,
that is
those with the highest levels of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those who didn't graduate or interrupted their studies.
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IELTS academic The graph gives information about ownership of computers in terms of percentage of the population

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
247 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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