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The chart show the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK

The chart show the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK m1rKL
The chart show the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK divided into three categories which are local fixed line, National and international fixed line and mobile calls, from year 1995 to 2002. More than 70 billions minutes were utilised by UK citizens to communicates each other through local fixed line. These local fixed line varied from the year 1996 to 1998 and reached to the peak in 1999 nearly 90 billion minutes. Despite of several increasing in minutes, local fixed line inclined in further 3 years around to 17 billions minutes. National and international fixed line, In the year of 1995 more than 38 billions minutes were used, which observe as a increasing gain in minutes from year 1996 to 2001. While in 2002 nearly 65 billions minutes were utilised by UK citizens. Likewise, similar to National and international fixed line, mobiles calls were aslo on the same track of exploitation. Which is make used from 1995, and growing from 1996 to 2001. where as higher rise seen in year 2002 which is approximate 45 billions minutes. In conclusion, whilst the growth observed in mobiles calls, but the local fixed line and National and international fixed line are already being more utilised.
The chart
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "shows".
show
the total number of minutes of telephone
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calls
in the UK divided into three categories which are
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local
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fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
, National and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
and mobile
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calls
, from
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year
1995 to 2002.

More than 70
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billions
minutes were
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by UK citizens to communicates each other through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
. These
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
varied from the
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year
1996 to 1998 and reached to the peak in 1999
nearly
90
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billion
minutes.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
several increasing in minutes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
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fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
inclined in
further
3 years around to 17
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billions
minutes.

National and
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
, In the
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year
of 1995 more than 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
minutes were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, which observe as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increasing gain in minutes from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1996 to 2001.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in 2002
nearly
65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
minutes were
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by UK citizens.

Likewise
, similar to National and
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
, mobiles
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calls
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
aslo
on the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of exploitation. Which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from 1995, and growing from 1996 to 2001.
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
higher rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2002 which is approximate 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
minutes.

In conclusion
, whilst the growth observed in mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
and National and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
are already being more
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
.
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IELTS academic The chart show the total number of minutes of telephone calls in the UK

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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