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The graph below shows update on rhino poaching in south Africa between 2010 to 2012

The graph below shows update on rhino poaching in south Africa between 2010 to 2012 Ykn1K
The graph illustrates an update on rhino poaching in different provinces of South Africa for three consecutive years (2010, 2011 and 2012). Overall, Kruger National Park has witnessed the maximal rhino poaching in all the 3 years compared to other provinces. On other hand, least rhino poaching was observed in Northern Cape with 0 poaching record in year 2011 and 2012. In 2010, just below 150 and above 50 rhino's were poached in Kruger National Park and North West respectively. Least rhino poaching was observed in Northern Cape, which further reduced to zero in following years. Rhino poaching was hiked to almost 250 in the year 2011 at Kruger National Park followed by just above 50 at Limpopo, making it second highest poaching site in South Africa. Minimal poaching of 2011 was observed at Free State. Marakele National Park, Eastern Cape and Western Cape are the provinces which had experinced just greater than zero poaching of rhinos in 2012. Kwa-Zulu Natal and North West regions experinced almost same poaching which happens to be in between 0 and 50. Again, Kruger National Park had almost 125 rhinos poached which makes it maximum as compared to all provinces. Also, a rapid decrement in poaching is observed at Kruger National Park from 2011 to 2012.
The graph illustrates an update on rhino
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poaching
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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provinces
of South Africa for three consecutive years (2010, 2011 and 2012).

Overall
, Kruger
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National
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Park
has witnessed the maximal rhino
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poaching
in all the 3 years compared to other
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provinces
. On other hand,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
rhino
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poaching
was
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observed
in Northern Cape with 0
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poaching
record in
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year
2011 and 2012.

In 2010,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 150 and above 50
Incorrect singular possessive form after the number (50). Did you mean "rhinos" or "rhinos'"?
rhino's
were poached
in Kruger
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National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
and North West
respectively
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
rhino
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poaching
was
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observed
in Northern Cape, which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to zero in following years. Rhino
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poaching
was hiked
to almost 250 in the
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year
2011 at Kruger
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National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 50 at Limpopo, making it second highest
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poaching
site in South Africa. Minimal
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poaching
of 2011 was
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observed
at Free State.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Marakele
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National
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Park
, Eastern Cape and Western Cape are the
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provinces
which had
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
greater than zero
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poaching
of rhinos in 2012.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kwa-Zulu
Natal and North West regions
Possible spelling mistake found.
experinced
almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poaching
which happens to be in between 0 and 50. Again, Kruger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
had almost 125 rhinos poached which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it maximum as compared to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provinces
.
Also
, a rapid decrement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poaching
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
observed
at Kruger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
from 2011 to 2012.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows update on rhino poaching in south Africa between 2010 to 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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