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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries lOYQ
The line graph compares the percentage of elderly people aged 65 and over in the various countries during the period between 1940 and 2040. As an overall trend, the graph shows increase in the percentage of senior citizens in the three countries, but in 2040 Japan will be highest ratio of old people. At the beginning of the obverted period in 1940 the proportion of elderly people in the USA 9% the highest percentage of the three countries. It was just 5% in Japan, and in the same year 7% in Sweden. After two decades the number of population in Japan decreased by 2%, meanwhile it rose in USA and Sweden around 25% ( or meanwhile the percentage of American and Swedish have grown up around 25%). It is predicted that in 2040, after after two decades from now Japan will be highest proportion of the elderly population 27%, while percentage of old people expecting 25% in Sweden and 23% in America.
The line graph compares the
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percentage
of elderly
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people
aged 65 and over in the various countries during the period between 1940 and 2040. As an
overall
trend, the graph
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shows
increase in the
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percentage
of senior citizens in the three countries,
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but
in 2040
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Japan
will be
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highest
ratio of
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old
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people
. At the beginning of the
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obverted
period in 1940 the proportion of elderly
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people
in the USA 9% the highest
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percentage
of the three countries. It was
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just
5% in
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Japan
, and in the same year 7% in Sweden. After two decades the number of population in
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Japan
decreased by 2%, meanwhile it rose
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and Sweden around 25%
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(
or meanwhile the
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percentage
of American and Swedish have grown up around 25%). It
is predicted
that in 2040,
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after after
two decades from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
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Japan
will be
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of the elderly population 27%, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expecting 25% in Sweden and 23% in America.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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