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The graph below shows the percentage of pop music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

The graphs illustrate the purchase of pop music albums by people in Britain categorized according to their sex and age. overall, males are found to account to the highest percentage in the category of sex and people pertaining to the age group of 25-34 account to the highest in the age segment. It is found that in the category of sex, males account to a percentage approximation of 28 and females to 19%. Moving on to the other category, the classification according to age. People in the age group of 25-34 account to a larger percentage of 32 %(approximately), which is higher than the overall percentage of males. The second highest in the same is made by the age group 16-24. It can also be found that the age cluster 35-44 contributes a significant amount accounting to 25%(approximately). The least is by the people greater than 45 years pertaining to a percentage of 9, which is lower than the cummulated females percentage.
The graphs illustrate the
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purchase
of pop music albums by
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people
in Britain categorized according to their sex and age.

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overall
, males
are found
to
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account
to the highest
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percentage
in the category of sex and
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people
pertaining to the
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age
group of 25-34
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account
to the highest in the
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age
segment.

It
is found
that in the category of sex, males
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account
to a
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percentage
approximation of 28 and females to 19%. Moving on to the other category, the classification according to
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age
.
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People
in the
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age
group of 25-34
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account
to a larger
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percentage
of 32 %(approximately), which is higher than the
overall
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percentage
of males. The second highest in the same
is made
by the
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age
group 16-24. It can
also
be found
that the
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age
cluster 35-44 contributes a significant amount accounting to 25%(approximately). The least is by the
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people
greater than 45 years pertaining to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 9, which is lower than the
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cummulated
females
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percentage
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of pop music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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