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The graph below shows the percentage of overweight people in the population from 1993 to 2005.

The graph below shows the percentage of overweight people in the population from 1993 to 2005. EpprD
The line graph illustrates the proportion of women and men who have obesity problems in the population through 1993 to 2005. Increases in overweight people of female and male show apparent upward trends. Women with obesity issue was always more than men had until 2005. In 1993, the percentage of fat women was around 22. The figure rose gradually and reached a pleatue around 32 from 1998 to 2000, while it experienced a significant rise in men's overweight issue. The percentage of overweight men rose at a very similar rate to women starting lower in 1993 at around16% and reaching 40% in 2005. It was only in 2004 that the proportion of overweight men overtook that of women as in this year the proportion of overweight women started to decline slightly. As a rule, during this period, women tended to be more overweight than men.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
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women
and
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men
who have obesity problems in the population through 1993 to 2005.

Increases in
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overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of female and male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
apparent upward trends.
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Women
with obesity issue was always more than
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men
had until 2005.

In 1993, the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
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women
was around 22. The figure rose
gradually
and reached a
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pleatue
around 32 from 1998 to 2000, while it experienced a significant rise in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
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overweight
issue.

The percentage of
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overweight
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men
rose at a
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very
similar rate to
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women
starting lower in 1993 at around16% and reaching 40% in 2005. It was
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only
in 2004 that the proportion of
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overweight
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men
overtook that of
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women
as in this year the proportion of
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overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decline
slightly
. As a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, during this period,
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women
tended to be more
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overweight
than
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men
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of overweight people in the population from 1993 to 2005.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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