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The graph below shows the percentage of households, grouped by poverty, on the basis of access to refrigerator, electricity and water in Ghana for the year 1991/1992 to 1998/1999.

The diagram outlines how the electricity, refrigerator and water access to Ghanaians changed in seven years. The data was published by the Ghana Statistics Service in 2000 and admittance to these conveniences is categorized based on the economic conditions of Ghanaians. Overall, solvent people had far better access to these facilities while the availability of electricity and fridges deteriorated for poor Ghanaians. Poor Ghanaians’ access to electricity was somewhat better than very poor citizens but in 7 years the scenario deteriorated. Their access to refrigerators was 11% in 1991/92 which reduced by 5% in 1998/99. Moreover, around seven in ten poor citizens received water facilities which remained constant in 98/99. Finally, affluent Ghanaians had better access to these amenities as 85% of them had electric power in 1998/99 compared to 34% destitute Ghanaians access to this facility. Eight out of ten rich people had access to water and their admittance to these resources augmented over the period, unlike poor citizens.
The diagram outlines how the electricity, refrigerator and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to
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Ghanaians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in seven years. The data
was published
by the Ghana Statistics Service in 2000 and admittance to these conveniences
is categorized
based on the economic conditions of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
.
Overall
, solvent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had far better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these facilities while the availability of electricity and fridges deteriorated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
.

Poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to electricity was somewhat better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 7 years the scenario deteriorated. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to refrigerators was 11% in 1991/92 which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 5% in 1998/99.
Moreover
, around seven in ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
citizens received water facilities which remained constant in 98/99.

Finally
, affluent
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
had better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to these amenities as 85% of them had electric power in 1998/99 compared to 34% destitute
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghanaians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to this facility. Eight out of ten rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to water and their admittance to these resources augmented over the period, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
citizens.

IELTS academic The graph below shows the percentage of households, grouped by poverty, on the basis of access to refrigerator, electricity and water in Ghana for the year 1991/1992 to 1998/1999.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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