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The graph below shows the number of men and women who died because of random disease, in March, during the period of 1999-2004. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of men and women who died because of random disease, in March, during the period of 1999-2004. W7XW
The graph compares the number of deaths caused by a random disease, in Marchs, over a period of six years i. e. from 1994 to 2004. For the initial two years, the deaths amongst women were higher as compared to men. During the first year, a margin of approximately 4 hundred thousand was marked, however it declined to nearly 200 thousand in the second year. Although men dying of the random disease increased in 2001, a slum was observed in women deaths. In the next three years, from 2002 to 2004, the figures in case of both men and women went down, with both the numbers almost levelling out in 2004. With a boom in the deaths of women in 2002, after the dip, the next three years marked a dramatic fall. Over the entire period of time, the number of men and women, dying of random disease, showed opposite trends. Women saw a steady decline till 2000 before slumping in 2001 and booming in 2002, after which marking a considerable decline. While, number of men remained steady till 2002, with slight fluctuations, before ending up at a decrease in 2004.
The graph compares the
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number
of deaths caused by a random disease, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Marchs
, over a period of six years
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
from 1994 to 2004.

For the initial two years, the deaths amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to
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men
. During the
first
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year
, a margin of approximately 4 hundred thousand
was marked
,
however
it declined to
nearly
200 thousand in the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
dying of the random disease increased in 2001, a slum
was observed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deaths.

In the
next
three years, from 2002 to 2004, the figures in case of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
went down, with both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
almost levelling out in 2004. With a boom in the deaths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 2002, after the dip, the
next
three years marked a dramatic fall. Over the entire period of time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, dying of random disease,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
opposite trends.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady decline till 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
slumping in 2001 and booming in 2002, after which marking a considerable decline. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
remained steady till 2002, with slight fluctuations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ending up at a decrease in 2004.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of men and women who died because of random disease, in March, during the period of 1999-2004.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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