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the graph below shows the number of library books read by girls and boys

the graph below shows the number of library books read by girls and boys JKaew
The graph illustrates information about how many library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School. It shows the trends from 2009 to 2012. According to the graph, there were various trends for males and females in over four-year period. There was a gradual increase between 2009 and 2010 from more than 20 to 40 by girls. By contrast the number of books read by males rose slightly from about 45 to 80. However after that, from 2010 to 2011, the figure of books read by girls climbed dramatically too 100 and reached the peak at 140 in 2012. While there was a minimal decrease from 2011 and hit the lowest point of 80 in 2012. Surprisingly, at the beginning, the statistic of books read by males more than the one read by female, but their numbers followed a different pattern. Overall, there was an extreme upward trend in the quantity of books read by girls. Although, they had a lower starting point than males, they quickly rose to above the level of boys in 2012. While boys' reading was a fluctuation, and finally it fell steeply in 2012.
The graph illustrates information about how
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many
library
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books
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read
by boys and
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girls
at
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Starmouth
School. It
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shows
the trends from 2009 to 2012.

According to the graph, there were various trends for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in over four-year period. There was a gradual increase between 2009 and 2010 from more than 20 to 40 by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. By contrast the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
rose
slightly
from about 45 to 80.

However
after that, from 2010 to 2011, the figure of
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books
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "reads"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'read' is not always incorrect.)
read
by
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girls
climbed
dramatically
Did you mean "to 100"?
too 100
and reached the peak at 140 in 2012. While there was a minimal decrease from 2011 and hit the lowest point of 80 in 2012.
Surprisingly
, at the beginning, the statistic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "reads"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'read' is not always incorrect.)
read
by
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males
more than the one
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read
by female,
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but
their numbers followed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pattern.

Overall
, there was an extreme upward trend in the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Although, they had a lower starting point than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
, they
quickly
rose to above the level of boys in 2012. While boys' reading was a fluctuation, and
finally
it fell
steeply
in 2012.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the number of library books read by girls and boys

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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