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The graph below shows the fast food advertisements seen by American children every year.

The graph below shows the fast food advertisements seen by American children every year. nOEl
The bar graph illustrates the average number of children from two age groups in America who watch commercials of various fast food brands per year. Clearly, more children from the 6-11 age group view fast food advertisements than the 2-5 age group. Also, the viewership of McDonald's advertisements is significantly higher than any other brand in both groups. Every year, 254 and 208 children from the older and younger groups respectively watch McDonald's commercials. Though Subway adverts are the second most watched their viewership is just nearly a third of McDonald's in the respective categories. The advertisements of Domino's, Burger King and Pizza hut have almost equal annual views at around 70 among the 6-to 11-year-olds and around ten less in the 2-to 5-year olds. In contrast, the adverts of Arby's and KFC are watched by fewer children with the former having the least number of viewers in the older age group at 22 only, while the commercials of Wendy's are watched by just 5 children aged 2-5. Also, it is noticeable that exactly equal number of children at 33 from both age groups watch commercials of Little Caesars.
The bar graph illustrates the average number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in America who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
commercials of various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food brands per year.
Clearly
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the 6-11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food advertisements than the 2-5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Also
, the viewership of McDonald's advertisements is
significantly
higher than any other brand in both groups.

Every year, 254 and 208
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the older and younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
respectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
McDonald's commercials.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
Subway adverts are the second most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
their viewership is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nearly
a third of McDonald's in the respective categories. The advertisements of Domino's, Burger King and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Pizza hut
have almost equal annual views at around 70 among the 6-to 11-year-olds and around ten less in the 2-to 5-year olds.
In contrast
, the adverts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arby
's and KFC are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the former having the least number of viewers in the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
at 22
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, while the commercials of Wendy's are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 2-5.

Also
, it is noticeable that exactly equal number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at 33 from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
commercials of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
Caesars.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the fast food advertisements seen by American children every year.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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