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The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2000.

The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2000. LXJ6
The line graph illustrates the daily number of British passengers on average, who used car, bus or train to commute from 1970 to 2000. Overall, while the quantity of people travelling by car and rail experienced upward trends, the reverse was true for users of bus. It is also notable that cars were the most popular form of transport during the period. Turning to the details, starting at about 5 million passengers, the figure for cars increased considerably to around 7 million in 1985. Subsequently, the trend rose gradually, but steadily over the 15 years, before peaking at just below 9 million commuters. Meanwhile, in the beginning, the second most commonly used public transport was buses. However, the trend of this transport decreased slightly by the end of the span, ending at exactly 3 million clients. On the other hand, the number of train users enjoyed significant growth to hit 3 million in 1990. Then, the figure surged, surpassing its counterpart - bus, and reaching around 5 million commuters in 2000.
The line graph illustrates the daily number of British passengers on average, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, bus or train
Did you mean "commuting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'train' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to commute
from 1970 to 2000.

Overall
, while the quantity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and rail experienced upward trends, the reverse was true for users of bus. It is
also
notable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
were the most popular form of transport during the period.

Turning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, starting at about 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
passengers, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
increased
considerably
to around 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1985.
Subsequently
, the trend rose
gradually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
steadily
over the 15 years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
peaking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
commuters.

Meanwhile, in the beginning, the second most
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
public transport was buses.
However
, the trend of this transport decreased
slightly
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the span, ending at exactly 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
clients.
On the other hand
, the number of train users enjoyed significant growth to hit 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1990. Then, the figure surged, surpassing its counterpart
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
bus, and reaching around 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
commuters in 2000.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows the average number of UK commuters travelling each day by car, bus or train between 1970 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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