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The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. r3bL
The above graph is a representation of men and women who studied in britain for a period of 3 years. To complete their further education some of them have joined universities with a full time education if possible or a part time education. Meanwhile the statistical data shows that there has been a rise in the number of male and female students who are studying full time in their college. Although in the case of part time learning the number of men who opted for it has seen a fluctuation in this time period. Whereas there was a steady increase of female students who were managing a part-time education. There has been a significant rise of graduates over these years. Data states that male scholars have been seeing an increase in full time education gradually. At the same moment part-time scholars had more than 1000 million people during the year of 1970-1971 since then they have seen a decrease of 150million and increase of of 170 million over the years respectively.
The above graph is a representation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied in
Possible spelling mistake found.
britain
for a period of 3 years. To complete their
further
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
universities with a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
education if possible or a part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
education.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the statistical data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that there has been a rise in the number of male and female students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are studying full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their college. Although in the case of part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
learning the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opted for it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a fluctuation in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
there was a steady increase of female students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were managing a part-time education.

There has been a significant rise of graduates over these years. Data states that male scholars have been seeing an increase in full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
education
gradually
. At the same moment part-time scholars had more than 1000 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1970-1971 since then they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a decrease of 150million and increase
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
170 million over the years
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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