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The graph below shows leisure activities by age in England in 2008

The graph below shows leisure activities by age in England in 2008 aQKRG
. The chart illustrates four popular activities, which people prefer doing in their spare time by different groups of ages in English in 2008. Overall, it can be seen that watching television was the highest proportion in every ages. Also, reading activities increased when people was older. The figure for watching television and listening for music were the same percentage around 80% in the age from 16-24. There was a decline in the number of shopping when people turn to 25, while the percentage of reading grew up significantly by 10%. In contrast, the age from 35 to 44 witnessed the slight decline in the proportion of shopping around 65%. There was a noticeable growth of reading over 70% when people were over 35 years old, while shopping activities saw the lowest point at 62% in this age group. The group, which included people over 65 years old had the highest point at 88% in watching television. In the same age group, there was a increase in the number of reading while listening to music and shopping had the same percentage.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The chart illustrates four popular activities, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer doing in their spare time by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in English in 2008.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that watching television was the highest proportion in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "age"?
ages
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
activities increased when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was older.

The figure for watching television and listening for music were the same percentage around 80% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 16-24. There was a decline in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
turn to 25, while the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
grew up
significantly
by 10%.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 35 to 44 witnessed the slight decline in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
around 65%.

There was a noticeable growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
over 70% when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were over 35 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the lowest point at 62% in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, which included
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
had the highest point at 88% in watching television. In the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, there was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
while listening to music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
had the same percentage.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows leisure activities by age in England in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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