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The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period.

The graph illustrates how different parts of the world have spent their money on various forms of entertainment such as cinema, video, music, publishing, television during a five year plan. All in all, United States had spent the most compared to Asia and Europe during 1995 and 2000. On the other hand Asia had the spent the least. Firstly, Asia invested 67 billion in the entertainment industry in 1995 and it was increased to 110 in the year 2000. Publishing and television were the major areas in which the amount was spent. Whereas the least amount was spent on the cinema. Similar to Asia, Europe also invested more in the publishing and television and least on cinema. Coming to United States, Americans spend almost double than what Asia has spent on their entertainment industry.
The graph illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their money on various forms of entertainment such as cinema, video, music, publishing, television during a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: “five-year”
five year
plan. All in all, United States had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the most compared to Asia and Europe during 1995 and 2000.
On the other hand
Asia had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the least.
Firstly
, Asia invested 67 billion in the entertainment industry in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
1995 and
it
was increased
to 110 in the year 2000. Publishing and television were the major areas in which the amount was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the least amount was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on the cinema. Similar to Asia, Europe
also
invested more in the publishing and television and least on cinema. Coming
A determiner is probably missing here: “to the United States”.
to United States
, Americans spend almost double than what Asia has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on their entertainment industry.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows how money was spent on different forms of entertainment over a five year period.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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