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The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010. kyDe
The line graph illustrates the percentage of senior citizens in the United States spent time on doing pastime activities during a period of 30 years from 1980 to 2010. Overall, an upward trend was experienced by watching tv, hiking, reading and surfing the internet, however the theater witnessed a downward trend during the period time shown. The most notable pattern seen from the graph is hiking starting from a fifth then rose sharply to reach its highest point of 80% in 2010. In case of surfing, it accounted for just 5% in 1980 and it increased steadily to 15% in 2000. However, . The period between 2000 and 2010 witnessed a double growth in the rate of surfing the Internet from 15% to a half. Though there were some noticeable fluctuations in between, there was a twofold increase in the rate of those who read over this period from nearly a third to 60% between 1980 and 2010. Regarding to watching tv there was a gradual rise in the proportion of those who get involved in watching TV from 1980 to 2000 then the percentage witnessed a slightly drop till the end of the period, and this did not fall below 60%. The only exception is the theatre, it decreased just an insignificant proportion of 5 % from a half to 45% over the period of time.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of senior citizens in the United States spent time on doing pastime activities during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 30 years from 1980 to 2010.

Overall
, an upward trend
was experienced
by watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, hiking, reading and surfing the internet,
however
the theater witnessed a downward trend during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
time shown.

The most notable pattern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph is hiking starting from a fifth then rose
sharply
to reach its highest point of 80% in 2010. In case of surfing, it accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5% in 1980 and it increased
steadily
to 15% in 2000.
However
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
between 2000 and 2010 witnessed a double growth in the rate of surfing the Internet from 15% to a half.

Though there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable fluctuations in between, there was a twofold increase in the rate of those who read over this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
from
nearly
a third to 60% between 1980 and 2010.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
there was a gradual rise in the proportion of those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in watching TV from 1980 to 2000 then the percentage witnessed a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('drop') instead of another adjective.
slightly drop
till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, and this did not fall below 60%. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
exception is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, it decreased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an insignificant proportion of 5 % from a half to 45% over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of time.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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