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The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.

The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia. anL7
The given line graph provides information about the number of overseas students of four different countries ( Indonesia, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore) in 1000s in Australia between the years 1982 to 2000. In overall, the number of overseas students from Indonesia has rose significantly from about 1000 students to 23000 students. Similarly, the number of students from Hong Kong is slightly less( about 1000 students) then that of Malaysia which is 19000 at the year 2000. Huge fluctuation in the graph can be noticed between the year 1987 to 1999 in case of overseas students of Hong Kong. The highest number of students ever recorded in these interval of years was 28000 which were from Indonesia. Taking a surface look on the graph, at the year 2000, the highest of of overseas students were from Indonesia which is about 20500 whereas the lowest number of overseas students were from Malaysia which is approximately 18000. Incase of, Malaysia around 5000 overseas student were recorded at the beginning of the year then a slight increase in number of students was noticed at the year 1984 which was around 10000, which was constant till the year 1994 then a sudden rise inn number of student was noticed in the year 1998 which was around 20000 students then it gradually fall down to 18000 students in the year 2000 which was the lowest among the four countries at the end of the year. A huge fluctuation in the graph of the Hong Kong can be see. Hong Kong had constant 5000 overseas students in Australia in the first 7 years until 1987 then a sudden rise in the numbers of students can be observed and reached to 9000 students which was again decreased to 7000 students at the year 1989 and same kind of rise and fall can be observed till the year 2000. Total number of overseas students from Hong Kong were at its peak at the year 1997 where total 21000 students were recorded. Unlike Hong Kong the graph of Malaysia was quite constant and no fluctuation were observed.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line
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graph
provides information about the
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number
of
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overseas
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students
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Indonesia, Hong Kong, Malaysia, Singapore)
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1000s".
in 1000s
in Australia between the years 1982 to 2000. In
overall
, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from Indonesia has
Use the past participle "risen" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
rose
significantly
from about 1000
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students
to 23000
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students
.
Similarly
, the
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number
of
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students
from Hong Kong is
slightly
less
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
about 1000
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students)
then that of Malaysia which is 19000 at the
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year
2000. Huge fluctuation in the
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graph
can
be noticed
between the
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year
1987 to 1999 in case of
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overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of Hong Kong.

The highest
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number
of
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students
ever recorded in
Did you mean "this interval" or "these intervals"?
these interval
of years was 28000 which were from Indonesia. Taking a surface look on the
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graph
, at the
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year
2000, the highest
Possible typo: you repeated a word
of of
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overseas
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students
were from Indonesia which is about 20500 whereas the lowest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
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students
were from Malaysia which is approximately 18000.
Did you mean "in case of"?
Incase of
, Malaysia around 5000
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overseas
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student
were recorded
at the beginning of the
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year
then a slight increase in
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was noticed
at the
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year
1984 which was around 10000, which was constant till the
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year
1994 then a sudden rise inn
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number
of
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student
was noticed
in the
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year
1998 which was around 20000
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students
then it
gradually
Did you mean "falls"?
fall
down to 18000
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students
in the
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year
2000 which was the lowest among the four countries at the
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end
of the year.

A huge fluctuation in the
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graph
of the Hong Kong can be
Did you mean "seen"?
see
. Hong Kong had constant 5000
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overseas
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students
in Australia in the
first
7 years until 1987 then a sudden rise in the
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numbers
of
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students
can
be observed
and reached to 9000
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students
which was again decreased to 7000
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students
at the
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year
1989 and same kind of rise and fall can
be observed
till the
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year
2000. Total
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number
of
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overseas
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students
from Hong Kong were at its peak at the
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year
1997 where total 21000
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students
were recorded
. Unlike Hong Kong the
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graph
of Malaysia was quite constant and no fluctuation
were observed
.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows four countries of residence of overseas students in Australia.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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