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The graph show the percentage of male and female Academic Staff members across the faculties of major University in 2012

The graph show the percentage of male and female Academic Staff members across the faculties of major University in 2012 laO1
The report compare the proportion of security member of both gender male and female in the major University in 2012 overall maximum proportion of the females belong to the engineering department and minimum percentage of total female staff accounted for engineering coma furthermore there was almost equal proportion of female and male staff recorded in the medical field in the engineering department former male worker reach at the peak point at 25% whereas female workers were nearly 15% full stop however in educational sector female faculties was three times higher than made faculties and in said 50% of females and near staff available equally in the university in art department 55% of female workers and 45% of male staff accountant in the university in addition to this, in business email worker verb half of males were Cup apart from this low and science department show the two third part of the female staff than that of male
The report compare the proportion of security member of both gender male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in the major University in 2012
overall
maximum proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
belong to the engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
and minimum percentage of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
accounted for engineering coma
furthermore
there was almost equal proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
recorded in the medical field in the engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
former male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
reach at the peak point at 25% whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
were
nearly
15% full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
however
in educational sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
faculties was three times higher than made faculties and in said 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
available
equally
in the university in art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and 45% of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
accountant in the university
in addition
to this, in business email
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
verb half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were
Consider using a past participle here: "cupped".
Cup
apart from this low and science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the two third part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
than that of male
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IELTS academic The graph show the percentage of male and female Academic Staff members across the faculties of major University in 2012

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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