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THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS FEMALE UNEMPLOYMENT RATES IN EACH COUNTRY OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IN 2013 AND 2014

THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS FEMALE UNEMPLOYMENT RATES IN EACH COUNTRY OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IN 2013 AND 2014 PRqQd
The given bar chart illustrates the female unemployment percentages in four various countries of United Kingdom in the year of 2013 and 2014. As it is clearly seen that, only Scotland shows the upward trend in unemployment of women between 2013 and 2014. Whereas, in other three nations unemployment rate were decline in the given same period. In 2013, 5. 6% women in Northern Ireland were unemployed, which was stood at 4. 6% in 2014, which is highest drop among all four countries. However, in Scotland, 6. 1% women were workless and this were almost 0. 6 % inclined in 2014. England had greatest unemployment rate in all four nations in 2013, although, this place were taken by Scotland in 2014. In England, unemployment rates in 2013 and 2014 were 6. 8% and 6. 5% respectively. Moreover percentage of jobless Wales women were lowest in 2013 compared to other three countries of UK, that was only 5. 4 %, while over the year this graph was falling off and reached at 5. 0% in 2014.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the female
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unemployment
percentages in four various countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Kingdom".
of United Kingdom
in the year of 2013 and 2014.

As it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Scotland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the upward trend in
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unemployment
of
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women
between 2013 and 2014.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in other three nations
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unemployment
rate
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
decline in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
same period.

In 2013, 5. 6%
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women
in Northern Ireland
were unemployed
, which
was stood
at 4. 6% in 2014, which is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
drop among all four countries.
However
, in Scotland, 6. 1%
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women
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
workless
and
The verb 'were' is plural. Did you mean "these were", "this is" or "this was"?
this were
almost 0. 6 % inclined in 2014.

England had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the greatest".
greatest
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unemployment
rate in all four nations in 2013, although, this place
were taken
by Scotland in 2014. In England,
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unemployment
rates in 2013 and 2014 were 6. 8% and 6. 5%
respectively
.
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Moreover
percentage of jobless Wales
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women
were lowest in 2013 compared to other three countries of UK, that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5. 4 %, while over the year this graph was falling off and reached at 5. 0% in 2014.
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IELTS academic THE GRAPH BELOW SHOWS FEMALE UNEMPLOYMENT RATES IN EACH COUNTRY OF THE UNITED KINGDOM IN 2013 AND 2014

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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