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The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14years who took part in cultural activities in 2003

The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14years who took part in cultural activities in 2003 7PjnY
The vertical bar graph depicts the information about the proportion of both genders taking part in recreational activities as well as sports activities among 5-14 years old during a period of 2003. The data is calibrated in percentage. After analysis the graph, it can be seen that the ratio of boys who took part in creative activity like playing a musical instrument was approximately 25 %, which is followed by dance activity that was 20 %. while, the percentum of nearly 27 and 15%of girls took part in same activities. Moving further, However is noticed that only 8%of both males and females shown interest in cultural activity like singing collectively ranging between 5-14 years. The difference of 1%was noticeable in painting. While in participants of sports which included boys and girls were 60%and 40% respectively. Overall, it is that maximum number of boys boys participate in both type of activities where minimum number of girls took interest.
The vertical bar graph depicts the information about the proportion of both genders taking part in recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
among 5-14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
during a period of 2003. The data
is calibrated
in percentage. After analysis the graph, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like playing a musical instrument was approximately 25 %, which
is followed
by dance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that was 20 %.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of
nearly
27 and 15%of girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Moving
further
,
However
is noticed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8%of both males and females shown interest in cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like singing
collectively
ranging between 5-14 years. The difference of 1%was noticeable in painting. While in participants of sports which included
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls were 60%and 40%
respectively
.
Overall
, it is that maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
participate in both type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
where minimum number of girls took interest.
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IELTS academic The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14years who took part in cultural activities in 2003

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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