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The graph below gives information about the percentage of people living in Australia who were born in Asia, the UK, and other regions.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of people living in Australia who were born in Asia, the UK, and other regions. NoLy
The line graph illustrates the proportion of citizens staying in Australia who came from various parts of the world including the United Kingdom, Asia, and other regions between 1976 and 2011. From a general perspective, the total percentage of Australian citizens who migrated from the UK, Asia, and other regions experienced an oscillation from 1976 to 2011. In addition, while the rate of dwellers who origin Asia surged dramatically, that of people who came from the United Kingdom declined remarkedly during the survey time. First, the percentage of Australians who migrated from all categories decreased from 22% in 1976 to just above 20% in 2001, and it follows an increase to 25% of the total population in Australia. Similarly, the proportion of citizens in Australia who was other regions fell markedly from around 11% in 1976 to 7. 5% in ten years later before it reached the highest point in 2006, at approximately 14%, and it declined to 12. 5% at the end of survey time. On the other hand, the rate of Australian migration who was Asia witnessed a rapid upward trend, from about 2. 5% in 1796 to 15% in 2011, whilst the figure for Australian citizens who came from the United Kingdom decreased significantly from just under 15% to only 5% in 2011.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
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citizens
staying in Australia
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who
came from various parts of the world including the United Kingdom, Asia, and
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other
regions between 1976 and 2011.

From a general perspective, the total percentage of Australian
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citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
migrated from the UK, Asia, and
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other
regions experienced an oscillation from 1976 to 2011.
In addition
, while the rate of dwellers
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who
origin Asia surged
dramatically
, that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from the United Kingdom declined
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remarkedly
during the survey time.

First
, the percentage of Australians
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who
migrated from all categories decreased from 22% in 1976 to
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just
above 20% in 2001, and it follows an increase to 25% of the total population in Australia.
Similarly
, the proportion of
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citizens
in Australia
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who
was
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other
regions fell
markedly
from around 11% in 1976 to 7. 5% in ten years later
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it reached the highest point in 2006, at approximately 14%, and it declined to 12. 5% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of survey time.

On the
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other
hand, the rate of Australian migration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was Asia witnessed a rapid upward trend, from about 2. 5% in 1796 to 15% in 2011, whilst the figure for Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from the United Kingdom decreased
significantly
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15% to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% in 2011.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the percentage of people living in Australia who were born in Asia, the UK, and other regions.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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