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The graph below gives information about computer ownership by level of education for the year 2002 and 2010.

The graph below gives information about computer ownership by level of education for the year 2002 and 2010. dklRP
The rendered bar graph illustrates the proportion of students who had computer ownership and they had distinct levels of education in 2002 and 2010. In detailed view, in 2002, the number of students who had no high school education and who possessed computers that was 15 percent and after that this figure increased to 40 percent. Furthermore, 35 percent of pupils who owned computers among high school graduate in 2002 and this ratio grown to 65 percent during 2010. Moreover, the maximum proportion of students accounted which were doing study in college that was 50 percent and in the next 8 years this percentage surged up by 35. Probing further, the bachelor's degree ' s students possessed computers the number recorded 70 percent in 2002 and in the eight following years this count inclined to 90 percent. At last, 75 percent of learners who enrolled in postgraduation qualification and who owned of computers in 2002 and this figure increased to 92 percent. Overall, with the increasing level of education the demand of computer increase continuously.
The rendered bar graph illustrates the proportion of
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students
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who
had computer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ownership and
they had distinct levels of education in 2002 and 2010. In detailed view, in 2002, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had no high school education and
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who
possessed computers that was 15
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percent
and after that this figure increased to 40
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percent
.
Furthermore
, 35
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percent
of pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers among high school graduate in 2002 and this ratio grown to 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
during 2010.
Moreover
, the maximum proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
accounted which were doing study in college that was 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and in the
next
8 years this percentage surged up by 35. Probing
further
, the bachelor's degree
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
possessed computers the number recorded 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2002 and in the eight following years this count inclined to 90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. At last, 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enrolled in
Possible spelling mistake found.
postgraduation
qualification and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
of computers in 2002 and this figure increased to 92
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Overall
, with the increasing level of education the demand of computer increase
continuously
.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about computer ownership by level of education for the year 2002 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
175 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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