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The declining work force in the Australian mining industry

The declining work force in the Australian mining industry J0wB0
This graph depicts the number of workers employed in the Australian mining industry for a period of ninety years, beginning from 1900. Overall, the trend of the workers employed in this field has been in decline since the year of 1900, despite of a short period of sharp rise in numbers of the workers in late 1930's to the year of 1950. A sharp decline is observed in the initial 10 year period followed by a gradual decline up to 30, 000 employees attached to the mining industry in late 1930's. Again the gradual fall of workers is observed from the year of 1950 onwards up to the end of the study period in 1990, where nearly 15, 000 labor force were in the mining industry.
This graph depicts the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
employed in the Australian mining industry for a
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period
of ninety years, beginning from 1900.
Overall
, the trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
employed in this field has been in decline since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1900,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of sharp rise in numbers of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1930s".
1930's
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1950. A sharp decline
is observed
in the initial 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
followed by a gradual decline up to 30, 000 employees attached to the mining industry in late
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1930s".
1930's
. Again the gradual fall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is observed
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 1950 onwards up to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
in 1990, where
nearly
15, 000 labor force were in the mining industry.

IELTS academic The declining work force in the Australian mining industry

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
126 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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