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The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares the rates of death and birth in New Zealand between 1901 1nd 2020 and it's also offers a prediction up to 2101. Overall, it is conspicuous that birth rate was higher than death rate at the beginning of period but it will be lower in the future. Moreover, with time death rate will be increased than it was at the starting. In case of the the birth rate, it showed a upward pattern till 1921 from around 20 to 30, before it experienced fluctuation till 1960. However, the birth rate reached at it's highest peak at more than 60 in the year 1961, after that point it remained unstable and moved back and forth, and settled at about 50 in 2001. From the year 2021 it is going to be soared slightly and is forecast to plummet less than 45 by 2101. The death rate showed constant rise from 1901 to 2001, and it was about 10 to 25, while in future it will rise to a peak of just below 60 by 2101.
The line graph compares the
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rates
of death and
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birth
in New Zealand between 1901
Please check the suffix, if this is an ordinal number.
1nd
2020 and it's
also
offers a prediction up to 2101.

Overall
, it is conspicuous that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was higher than death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
at the beginning of period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will be lower in the future.
Moreover
, with time death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
will
be increased
than it was at the starting.

In case of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward pattern till 1921 from around 20 to 30,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it experienced fluctuation till 1960.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
reached at it's highest peak at more than 60 in the year 1961, after that point it remained unstable and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
back and forth, and settled at about 50 in 2001. From the year 2021 it is going to
be soared
slightly
and is forecast to plummet less than 45 by 2101.

The death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
constant rise from 1901 to 2001, and it was about 10 to 25, while in future it will rise to a peak of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 60 by 2101.
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IELTS academic The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.