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The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. 2Ebo
The given graph demonstrated the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. The data is calibrated in percentage. Overall, it can be seen that the US birth rate was generally higher than the birth rate of China especially after 1950, both birth rates followed a very similar trend. China`s birth rate rose from around 10% in the 1920s to 15% in 1935. Then it fell sharply to around 5% in both 1940 and 1945. It increased rapidly to a peak of 20% in 1950. After that, it fell dramatically to less than 10% in 1955. Finally, it decreased steadily to about 2% in 1980 and remained at this level until 2000. Meanwhile, the US birth rate fluctuated around 12% from 1920 to 1940. It reduced significantly to under 5% in 1945. Moreover, it steeply gain to a peak of about 15% in 1950. After 1950, it decline gradually to about 12% in the 1960s and around 7 or 8% during the last 20 years of this period.
The
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given
graph demonstrated the
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birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. The data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the US
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birth
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rate
was
generally
higher than the
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birth
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rate
of China
especially
after 1950, both
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birth
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rates
followed a
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very
similar trend.

The character between 'China' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "China’s" (curly apostrophe) or "China's" (straight apostrophe).
China`s
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birth
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rate
rose from
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around
10% in the 1920s to 15% in 1935. Then it fell
sharply
to
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around
5% in both 1940 and 1945. It increased
rapidly
to a peak of 20% in 1950. After that, it fell
dramatically
to less than 10% in 1955.
Finally
, it decreased
steadily
to about 2% in 1980 and remained at this level until 2000.

Meanwhile, the US
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birth
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rate
fluctuated
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around
12% from 1920 to 1940. It
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reduced
significantly
to under 5% in 1945.
Moreover
, it
steeply
Did you mean "gains"?
gain
to a peak of about 15% in 1950. After 1950, it
Did you mean "declines"?
decline
gradually
to about 12% in the 1960s and
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around
7 or 8% during the last 20 years of this period.

IELTS academic The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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