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the grams of comsumption of spreads

the grams of comsumption of spreads 7065A
The line graph displays the grams of comsumption of spreads which it was eaten between 1981 and 2007. As it can be seen comsumption of low fat & reduced spreads whereas this grams of decreased considrably in margarin and butter during 26 years. Regarding to low fat & reduced spreads. Its among others (82 grams). But it rose dramatically from 10 grams to 82 grams during 7 years while time butter grew moderatelly and it went down significantly by 59 grams between 1986 and 1993. After it only decresed considerably however margarin went down moderately from 90 grams to 80 grams. In 1983 year it rose rapidly between 1983 and 1993 and it remained stably in 100 grams during 6 years. Whereas it declined significantly in the final year.
The line graph displays the
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grams
of
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comsumption
of spreads which it
was eaten
between 1981 and 2007. As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
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comsumption
of low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
&
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
spreads whereas
Did you mean "these"?
this
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grams
of decreased
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considrably
in
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margarin
and butter during 26 years.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
&
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
spreads.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
among others (82
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grams)
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it rose
dramatically
from 10
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grams
to 82
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grams
during 7 years while time butter grew
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moderatelly
and it went down
significantly
by 59
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grams
between 1986 and 1993. After it
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only
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decresed
considerably
however
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margarin
went down
moderately
from 90
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grams
to 80
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grams
. In 1983
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year
it rose
rapidly
between 1983 and 1993 and it remained
stably
in 100
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grams
during 6 years.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
it declined
significantly
in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic the grams of comsumption of spreads

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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