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The given two maps give the information about the proposed changes to the central area of the town called Islip.

The given two maps give the information about the proposed changes to the central area of the town called Islip. yNwo3
The given two maps give the information about the proposed changes to the central area of the town called Islip. It can be seen that the most significant change is the form of the road will be revolutionized into the shape of the ring road. Other various amenities; shops, housing and roads will develop. Currently, Islip’s main road runs through from east to west. By contract, in the future, pedestrians will be only allowed. The way of transportation will be diverted into a dual carriageway that will make a ring road around the town center. Regarding the shops, the shops are located either side of the main road in the present. However, the shops in the south side will remain the same and the shops in the north side will be demolished to make way for bus station, shopping center, car park and new housing area. Also, the school size seems to be increased and the park size will be reduced so that more new houses can be built within the ring road. Children should learn many basic things so that they can survive in the future. Some people think that teaching children a sense of competition is better than a sense of being cooperative. I believe that both skills are needed by children in order to be successful. Regarding competition, it is important for children because they live in a world full of race and people always try to be the best. In other words, it is useful to help children grow a desire to win a competition. For example, in studying path children who are competitive will put more effort into being smarter than the others. Moreover due to the competition, they gain a feeling of self-achievement and fulfillment. Needless to say, competitive sense should be taught to children from an early age to push them to explore their goals and to reach a better lifestyle. Secondly, being cooperative is also crucial for the children as they are human beings who always need help in the real world. In reality, humans need each other to help them fulfil their needs and to achieve a goal. There are some moments of our life when we need to do something together with others, whether it is mandatory or it is better that way. In those cases, being cooperative is needed. For instance, when doing a study group kids must be able to be cooperative in sharing ideas and make a compromise decision. Thus, this skill is significant to improve their personal quality. To sum up, both senses are necessary for children. It helps them learn how to cooperate with mates and to win the race.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two maps give the information about the proposed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the central area of the town called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the most significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the form of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
will
be revolutionized
into the shape of the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
various amenities;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
will develop.
Currently
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islip
’s main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
runs through from east to west. By contract, in the future, pedestrians will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. The way of transportation will
be diverted
into a dual carriageway that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
around the town center. Regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are located
either side of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
in the present.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the south side will remain the same and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the north side will
be demolished
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for bus station, shopping center, car park and new housing area.
Also
, the school size seems to
be increased
and the park size will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can
be built
within the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
basic things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can survive in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
is better than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperative
. I believe that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are needed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in order to be successful. Regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world full of race and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always try to be the best. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it is useful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow a desire to win a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
.
For example
, in studying path
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are competitive will put more effort into being smarter than the others.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
, they gain a feeling of self-achievement and fulfillment. Needless to say, competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
should
be taught
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from an early age to push them to explore their goals and to reach a better lifestyle.
Secondly
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperative
is
also
crucial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they are human beings who always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the real world. In reality, humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and to achieve a goal. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
moments of our life when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to do something together with others, whether it is mandatory or it is better that way. In those cases, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperative
is needed
.
For instance
, when doing a study group kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cooperative
in sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a compromise decision.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their personal quality. To sum up, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senses
are necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them learn how to cooperate with mates and to win the race.
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IELTS academic The given two maps give the information about the proposed changes to the central area of the town called Islip.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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