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The given pie graph gives the information of secondary school leavers in Australia, who were employed, unemployed and those who pursued higher education in 1980 and 2000.

The given pie graph gives the information of secondary school leavers in Australia, who were employed, unemployed and those who pursued higher education in 1980 and 2000. WqpdN
The rendered pie charts illustrate the information in terms of percentage about the students who leaved secondary school, who were employed, unemployed and those who continued further studies in Australia for two decades from 1980to 2000. Having a cursory glance at the chart is enough to make it clear that in 1980, the proportion of school leavers, who pursued higher education was 40%, which was less common than in 1990, which constituted 50% but it increased upto 5% after ten years. A half of pupils leave school, who were employed in 1980. Moving further, the percentile of school leavers, who were employed was approximately similar between 1990and 2000, which was 37%. A tenth of learners leave School, who were unemployed in 1980; while, this ratio was 12% and 8%in 1990 and 2000, respectively. Overall, it can be seen clearly that maximum number of students leave school, who Continued their higher education; however, the percentum of those school leaver Was maximum who did not have jobs in given period of time.
The rendered pie charts illustrate the information in terms of percentage about the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
leaved secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were employed
, unemployed and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continued
further
studies in Australia for two decades from 1980to 2000.

Having a cursory glance at the chart is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1980, the proportion of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursued higher education was 40%, which was less common than in 1990, which constituted 50%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
5% after ten years. A half of pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were employed
in 1980.

Moving
further
, the percentile of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were employed
was approximately similar between 1990and 2000, which was 37%. A tenth of learners
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "leaves"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'leave' is not always incorrect.)
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were unemployed
in 1980; while, this ratio was 12% and 8%in 1990 and 2000,
respectively
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that maximum number of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Continued their higher education;
however
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
of those
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leaver
Was maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not have jobs in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.
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IELTS academic The given pie graph gives the information of secondary school leavers in Australia, who were employed, unemployed and those who pursued higher education in 1980 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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