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The given pie chart shows that the number of tourists, came from foreign countries, in japan in 2012

The given pie chart shows that the number of tourists, came from foreign countries, in japan in 2012 6NmGx
The given pie chart illustrates that foreign tourists in Japan by 4 country(China, Korea Europe and USA) in 2012 It is noticeable that the biggest part or tourist in japan belonged to China, while tourists of USA consisted of smallest part of pie chart. the most part of turistas of Japan related to China. the 43. 3 percentage of foreign tourists in Japan came from China in 2012. This amount is approximately 8 per cent higher than tourists of south Korea. Because, the number of tourists of south Korea consisted of 35 percent and this two amount were more than half of tourists in Japan. By contrast, the third part of tourists belonged to Europe. The amount didn't accorded to same nearly with the number of tourists who came from USA. This is because, while the 11. 7 percent of tourists in japan belonged to Europe, tourists of USA were less than 11. 7
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates that foreign
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tourists
in
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Japan
by 4 country(China, Korea Europe and USA) in 2012

It is noticeable that the biggest
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part
or
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tourist
in
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japan
belonged to China, while
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tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
consisted of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the smallest".
smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of pie chart.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
most
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part
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
turistas
of
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Japan
related to China.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
43. 3 percentage of foreign
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tourists
in
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Japan
came from China in 2012. This amount is approximately 8 per cent higher than
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tourists
of
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "South Korea"
south Korea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
of
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "South Korea"
south Korea
consisted of 35 percent and this two amount were more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. By contrast, the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
belonged to Europe. The amount didn't
The verb 'didn't' requires base form of this verb: "accord"
accorded
to same
nearly
with the number of
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tourists
who came
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, while the 11. 7 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
japan
belonged to Europe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
were less than 11. 7
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IELTS academic The given pie chart shows that the number of tourists, came from foreign countries, in japan in 2012

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
153 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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