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the chart shows the level of post school qualities between men and women

the chart shows the level of post school qualities between men and women Knlo6
The bar graph indicates the various levels of post school qualification and the number of people of both sex who held them back in 1999 in Australia. The skilled vocational diploma was mostly taken by men in 1999 while women mostly had undergraduate diploma in that year. According to the given visual, seven in ten of men had postgraduate diploma which is the second most common qualification among men followed by master's degree with 60 percent, bachelor's certification by approximately 45 percent, and undergraduate diploma with a proportion about a bit over 30%; on the other hand, women had wide distinction with men about proximately 80 percent in skilled vocational diploma, also they had a dramatic difference about 40 percent in postgraduate diploma; however, in both undergraduate diploma and bachelor degree women held more of this qualifications than men with proximately a bit less than a half difference for the first one. More over based on the bar chart, there is noticeable difference between women with skilled vocational diploma and women with undergraduate diploma, the first qualification was proximately ten percent among women while the next one was estimately 70 percent between women in 1999. To conclude, Australian minority of women held skilled vocational diploma; meanwhile, the minority of men held undergraduate diploma trough this one year period of time, also, men commonly had more proportion in every level than women except in undergraduate diploma and post graduate diploma.
The bar graph indicates the various levels of post school
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qualification
and the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both sex who held them back in 1999 in Australia. The
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skilled
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
was
mostly
taken by
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men
in 1999 while
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women
mostly
had
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undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
in that year.

According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
visual, seven in ten of
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men
had postgraduate
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diploma
which is the second most common
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qualification
among
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men
followed by master's degree with 60
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percent
, bachelor's certification by approximately 45
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percent
, and
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undergraduate
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diploma
with a proportion about a bit over 30%;
on the other hand
,
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women
had wide distinction with
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men
about
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proximately
80
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percent
in
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skilled
vocational
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diploma
,
also
they had a dramatic difference about 40
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percent
in postgraduate
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diploma
;
however
, in both
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undergraduate
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diploma
and bachelor degree
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women
held more of
Did you mean "these"?
this
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qualifications
than
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men
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
proximately
a bit less than a half difference for the
first
one.

More over based on the bar chart, there is noticeable difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and
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women
with
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undergraduate
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diploma
, the
first
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qualification
was
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proximately
ten
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percent
among
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women
while the
next
one was
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estimately
70
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percent
between
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women
in 1999.

To conclude
, Australian minority of
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women
held
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skilled
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
; meanwhile, the minority of
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men
held
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undergraduate
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diploma
trough this
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one year
period of time,
also
,
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men
commonly
had more proportion in every level than
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women
except in
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undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
and post graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diploma
.
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IELTS academic the chart shows the level of post school qualities between men and women

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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