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The given pie chart provides the information about employment and unemployment in 1932 and in 1992

The given pie chart provides the information about employment and unemployment in 1932 and in 1992 VY8OD
The assigned circular chart illustrate the detail about the people who are employed and unemployed in Philippines during the period of five decades. At the fleeting glance it is immensely clear that, the biggest chunk is taken by the people who was engaged in industry in 1932 whereas, smallest chunk is noticed by the government workers that was only 3%. In 1992, the main source of employment was service sector in which 52% of people was worked and after 5 year the percentage of workers in these field was decrease by 37% as well as at that time industrialisation become main source of employment among workers. Moving to the further sector's, in agriculture and fishing sector 8 percent people was worked in very first year but the proportion of worker was decreased in 1992 from 15 % to 8%. at the same time the proportion of unemployed individuals and the workers who work in industries were 25% and 50% respectively. Overall, it is elucidate that the largest proportion of people's was worked in industrialization in very first year but after 50 years most of people are engaged in service sector.
The assigned circular chart illustrate the detail about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are employed
and unemployed
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Philippines".
in Philippines
during the period of five decades. At the fleeting glance it is
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, the biggest chunk
is taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
was engaged
in industry in 1932 whereas,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the smallest".
smallest
chunk
is noticed
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3%. In 1992, the main source of employment was service sector in which 52% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was worked
and after 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in these field was decrease by 37%
as well
as at that time
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
become main source of employment among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. Moving to the
further
sector's, in agriculture and fishing sector 8 percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was worked
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
was decreased
in 1992 from 15 % to 8%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
the same time the proportion of unemployed individuals and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who work in industries were 25% and 50%
respectively
.
Overall
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "elucidated".
elucidate
that the largest proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
was worked
in
Do not mix variants of the same word ('industrialization' and 'industrialisation') within a single text.
industrialization
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 50 years most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are engaged
in service sector.
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IELTS academic The given pie chart provides the information about employment and unemployment in 1932 and in 1992

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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